For Grandparents: After A Loss

"Some of our greatest blessings call us grandma and grandpa."

· Friends and Family,Resources

When grandparents lose a grandchild, they are grieving on more levels than one. Grandparents grieve their grandbaby, but also they grieve because they see their child and their spouse had their dreams and hopes crushed and shattered. Their plans to retire may have even been affected. Regardless of the situation, grandparents need support & advice just like the bereaved parents.

  • Remember significant days - Schedule a lunch date or coffee outting. Send a card, text, or phone call. No matter how long it has been since their loss.
  • Listen with love - Focus on listening to their heart, how it is aching, and what they feel. Ask gentle questions about their grandbaby; they usually will adore getting to share the dreams they had for them. If you focus on asking questions you'll be less likely to fall into the anecdotal trap that often leads to comparison.
  • No matter how old - Whether their baby was an infant, stillbirth, abortion, or miscarriage of any gestation: if they are being grieved, they need to be recognized as a loved baby. This is sadly a conflicting topic for many, as an 8-week miscarriage is not seen as the same as a 2-day old full term baby. But the reality is that the mother and father of that little baby are sad, in varying degrees, and they need to feel your support and not criticisim on a technicality like gestational age, viability, or politics.
  • Don't forget them - Often times other grandbabies will follow. Make sure to include the lost baby when people ask how many grandkids you have, or that they are the "oldest in heaven" - especially when the bereaved parents are within earshot. This helps them to know you have never forgotten about their baby - your grandbaby. Ask the parents how they want you to remember their baby. Is it a special seat at the table during Thanksgiving? A ceramonious ornament hanging on the Christmas tree? Or a special Easter basket that is reserved for sweet baby?
  • Get help - If you are constantly sad and can't seem to get a break from the crying or dark thoughts please seek appropriate help. There is no shame in seeing a counselor, therapist, or being on mediciation. You can ask your child/their spouse if they have a therapist or local organization they recommend for grief & support.

 

Further Reading:

The Grief of Grandparents - The Compassionate Friends