I struggled attending my hospital-sponsord birthing and laboring webinar because we had only recently received grave news about our baby from her recent ultrasound. The webinar hosts did not know how to navigate our situation and publicly asked for us to chime in and say our names, number of babies, and due dates. I was extremely uncomfortable sharing with the entire group - tears were welling in my eyes. The lady put us on the spot again by asking us to unmute and introduce ourselves. Our cameras were already off. I messaged the instructor privately on Zoom and explained that I was not comfortable sharing our information because our baby had just been diagnosed with a fatal disease and would likely die. I vividly remember her reading my message on-screen (thankfully, not out-loud) and saying, "Oh, oh my.....um....ok......well, thank you for being here." She never reached out after that.
A few days after that webinar, I went to the labor and delivery at my local hospital barely 22 weeks pregnant. I was then transferred to another hospital and was stuck there for six days. So, my birth story was traumatic and absolutely nothing like the scenarios the webinar tried to prepare me for. They never even mentioned preterm labor as a possible outcome, even though it happens in 10% of births. The webinar was not helpful to prepare me. It set up unrealistic expectations.
I still took notes from the webinar, and I've shared them below in case they are helpful to you or a friend. No matter if you are preparing for a baby with a terminal illness, just expereienced a traumatic birth, or maybe you are preparing for a birth after experiencing a loss: I hope this list helps you are feel more prepared and in control of your environment.
Hospital Logistics & Room Details
- Are all labor and delivery rooms private or do some share rooms?
- Are the bathrooms private or shared?
- How likely is it that I can get a private room? Do I need to call in advance?
- What are the fees for private rooms? Is it typically covered by insurance?
- Are all the rooms the same as the one(s) we’re being shown? (webinar, tour)
- Are there any differences in the rooms (smaller bathrooms, older features etc.)?
- Will I be in one room during my entire stay, or will I be moved to a separate postpartum room
- Will I have a private tub or shower for my postpartum room, or will I have to share?
- What happens if the L&D floor is full? How often does that happen?
- Is this a teaching hospital? Do you utilize students or residents? Will they attend my labor and birth? Can I request that they not attend if I don’t feel comfortable with them there?
- Is there good cell service & internet in the L&D room and postpartum room?
- Can my spouse/significant other (SO) sleep in my room?
- What accommodations are there for them (cot, couch, recliner, etc.)?
- Can we bring an inflatable mattress?
- Where is the best place to park? How much does parking cost?
- Where’s the cafeteria? Is it open 24/7? If not, what time does it open and close, and on what days? How do you order food? Is food only for mom, or is dad included?
- Is there a newborn intensive care unit (NICU)? What floor is it located on? Is it easy to access from the postpartum rooms?
Labor & Birth
- If I believe I am in labor, where will I initially be examined? Will I have to wait in a general waiting area, triage, or will I be brought to a private room?
- Will I be allowed to eat and/or drink during labor? Can I bring my own food? Do you have popsicles/broth I can eat?
- What labor and birthing equipment do you provide? (birthing balls, peanut balls, squat bars, showers, jetted tubs, rocking chairs, birthing stool, etc.) Are these methods preferred as long as it keeps the mom comfortable & progressing?
- What pain management options are available? Is there always an anesthesiologist on-site
- When it comes closer to time will the epidural be "turned down"? What is the average time a laboring mother needs to wait for an epidural?
- Am I able to avoid having an IV put in? Could I get a Hep Lock instead? (Or nothing at all)
- Do you have wireless fetal monitoring available? What is the policy concerning fetal monitoring during labor?
- How many people are allowed in the delivery room at one time? Is there a limit?
- Who should I give my birth plan to and when? Will the nurse be comfortable with a birth plan that may include things they aren’t used to if my midwife/doctor has signed off on it?
- Will I be able to labor at my own pace, or will I be put on a time limit? (Typically hospitals want you to dilate once centimeter an hour.)
- Will I be allowed to move around freely and get in the tub or shower during labor?
- Can I wear my own clothes during labor and birth?
- What is the induction rate at this hospital? Episiotomy rate? C-section?
- What are your maternal and infant mortality rates at this hospital?
- How do you (and this hospital) feel about doulas?
- What are the policies on cameras and video cameras during labor, pushing, and birth?
- What positions do you allow mothers to give birth in? Can I push in more ways than just on my back in stirrups? Could I push on my side, on hands and knees, squatting, etc.? When it comes closer to time will I be asked to change to a certain position (such as on my back in stirrups)
- Will the hospital/on-call doctor go along with my birth plan if my midwife/doctor is not on-call?
- Can we delay all procedures/exams for the baby for an hour for bonding time/skin-to-skin?
- Is your spouse/SO and doula allowed in the room for a C-section?
- If I have a C-section, will my baby be separated from me right after the procedure? Or can I do skin-to-skin?
After Birth & Postpartum
- What is your policy on baby care immediately after birth? If my baby needs to be checked, weighed, or placed in a heater–will he/she be taken out of my room? Or will the examinations take place in my room?
- Will they allow immediate skin-to-skin contact? Can I have my child immediately placed skin-to-skin after a C-section?
- Are there any situations where my baby would need to be transferred to another facility?
- Can my baby room-in with us instead of being in the nursery? Is rooming-in required?
- Can I breastfeed immediately after a C-section?
- What sort of breastfeeding support is available? Do you have a lactation consultant on staff at the hospital? Is she available at all times, 7 days a week?
- Do you give pacifiers to the babies in the nursery? Will I be asked/notified before doing so?
- Does the hospital support formula feeding? Under what circumstances would formula be given to my baby? Will I be asked/notified first? Even in the middle of the night?
- What security measures are there? Do people have to be buzzed in, are there security guards, and is a device placed on my baby to make sure he/she can not leave the floor?
- Are there specific hours for visiting the postpartum room? Do you allow young children to visit?
- What kind of information will I go home with? What time of day does discharge usually occur? (Families are often allowed to stay 48-hours post vaginal delivery, and 4-days post-C-section.)
- Do you follow-up with your patients? What new parent support do you offer? Can I call at any time if I have questions or need support?